the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
