why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
