how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
