booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
