you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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