And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
