I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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