3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
