things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
