girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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