Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
