Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
