you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
