Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
