you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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