Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
