I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Damn victory sex feels great
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
