Whod you bang
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
