Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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