Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
