I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Randomize
