a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
