I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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