Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
