highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
