all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
