Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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