Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
