My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
