Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
