I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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