I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
