So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You are the jesus of drinking
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
