Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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