Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
