i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
