i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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