dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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