He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We need a shit load of segways right now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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