I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
