John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
