I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
