I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
