What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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