he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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