If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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