my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
