i just google imaged poop.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
