What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
