I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize