in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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